Kankurou and Dogs Don't Mix
by Satiah
Summary: It had started as a normal afternoon with a nap in the park. Unfortunately for Kankurou, a friendly, if obnoxious, Konoha-nin had decided to bring his dog that particular day. Beware the dog drool.


Naruto © Masashi Kishimoto

... ... ...

It was a pleasantly warm day. There was just enough of a breeze to affectionately ruffle the masses of green leaves overhead, creating a soft and soothing rustle. The birds chirped to one another as they flitted from tree to birdfeeder and back again. The sunshine was warm on his face, and the grass was soft on his arms as he lay back, using one of his medium-sized summoning scrolls as a makeshift pillow. (The large ones were just a little too big to comfortably lie on, but the medium scrolls were perfect for temporary pillow-usage.) He enjoyed days like this in Konohagakure; the sun was shining, the day was peaceful, and everything was green. It was so vastly different from his own home in Sunagakure, but he didn't mind. There was beauty to be found in both places.

Although he was, admittedly, partial to the general greenness of Konoha. And to the abundance of freely-flowing water. That was good, too. Suna didn't have much of that.

He closed his eyes contentedly and listened to the sounds of the park around him. Bicycles whooshed by on new park trails; joggers steadily plodded along behind; children laughed as they climbed up and around all manners of jungle-gym related playground equipment (yes, yes, some were fighting and screaming, but…he was trying his best to ignore the brats); mothers called after their offspring, daring them to disobey just one more time; startled birds squawked in surprise as Frisbees invaded their trees of choice; dogs busily barked at squirrels, birds, people, bicycles, other dogs, playground equipment, and anything else that was otherwise large, stationary, and harmless…ah, yes, the relaxing sounds of a typical summer day in Konoha.

He wondered how anybody on Earth could be relaxed enough to take a nap in a park.

It wasn't as though Kankurou was bothered by having other people around, or their animals, for that matter. It was just the fact that they had voice boxes that somewhat upset him.

But it was cool. It wasn't as if he was in a hurry to get to sleep or anything.

It just might have been nice.

Kankurou sighed in frustration as he rolled over onto his side. This made the scroll-pillow just a little too high to be comfortable, but since he was already miserable, he decided to just mope and leave it as it was. After a few minutes of fidgeting, however, Kankurou gave up and put the scroll away, opting to just sit up and watch the world around him instead of trying to sleep through it.

He yawned, stretched, and scratched his head as he took no real interest in the happenings around him. He watched the children on the monkey bars play some sort of game, but only lazily, and through half-lidded eyes. This would shortly prove to be somewhat of a mistake, as a ninja was never supposed to slip into a state of unawareness. It was hard to tell what kind of trouble or danger was lurking around in the shadows if you weren't interested in _looking_ at the shadows in the first place.

As it was, though, Kankurou never saw it coming.

... ... ...

_Stealthily, steadily….steady…steady…keep it just like that….okay! Now go…slowly…man, this is really easy. You woulda though that he'd be payin' some more attention! And he calls himself a ninja?_

Regardless of how strange the situation seemed, Kiba pressed forward just a little bit, urging Akamaru out of the shadows. It was abnormal for a Sand-nin to be this unobservant, but, then again, the Nin in question _was_ Kankurou. As long as Gaara wasn't in the picture, Kakurou really couldn't care less, now could he?

Well, that just put Kiba at the advantage. And, being Kiba, he couldn't let that kind of opportunity pass him by.

... ... ...

Kankurou yawned again, boredom beginning to take a hold on his body once more. He eventually sat up, threw a smaller scroll over his lap and placed his elbows atop it, supporting his head on his palms.

Some bushes rustled behind him, but he blandly attributed the noise to a squirrel, or a kid, or something mundane like that. Nothing worth his notice, he thought, yawning as he once again tried his best to fall asleep in the warm sunshine, completely oblivious to the massive shadow creeping up behind him.

... ... ...

Kiba tried his hardest to keep from snickering as Akamaru literally got close enough to breathe down Kankurou's neck if he wanted a good place to snort. And still, the Sand-nin showed no signs of awareness. So, after a moment's deliberation of what he should do, Kiba carefully stood on Akamaru's back; with a hearty yell he launched himself skyward, aiming to land atop the pathetically slumped form of Kankurou.

... ... ...

Needless to say, Kankurou didn't see the stealthy attack coming. The yell had surprised him, but Kiba was in such close range that the puppeteer had no time to react. He had barely even turned before some kind of massive weight crashed into him, knocking his scroll out of his lap and the breath from his lungs.

He watched helplessly as the scroll unfurled itself down a hill, out of his reach. He couldn't summon anything if he wasn't in sufficient proximity to the seal on the scroll!

Okay. So. Kankurou couldn't fight with a puppet. Not such a big deal…all he had to do was use his chakra strings to take control of the _thing _which now sat quietly in front of him and…

And he was staring into a grinning face.

A smugly grinning Kiba face.

Ah, that made sense. Then, the big and furry object that he was leaning against was probably Akamaru's leg. Looking up to see a gigantic dog's nose and slobbering tongue confirmed that suspicion pretty quick. Kankurou looked back at Kiba and tried to shift himself out of Akamaru's line of drool, which proved somewhat difficult with Kiba's idiot self mere inches from his own, effectively boxing him in so that he _would _get drooled upon.

Well, one problem at a time, Kankurou.

Without warning, Kankurou shoved Kiba backwards, sending him sprawling across the grass. The end result left Kiba in an untidy heap, which somewhat resembled the current state of Kankurou's precious scroll. A smug feeling of satisfaction descended upon Kankurou's face in the form of a smirk, which was abruptly replaced by a look of horror as Akamaru decided to avenge his beloved master's downfall.

After nearly being licked to death, Kankurou was finally left believing he was going to die here: in the middle of some random park, drowning in dog drool. Unfortunately for him, that just about looked to be the case.

... ... ... ... ...

Kiba laughed heartily as he watched his dog try to lick the purple makeup off of a most disgusted Kankurou. Deciding that it didn't taste all that great, Akamaru finally let up on his enthusiastic attack of Kankurou's face and allowed the Sand-nin to breathe in a few lungfuls of sweetly fresh air. This only caused more laughter to erupt from Kiba, as Kankurou very much resembled a half-drowned cat as he sat amid a puddle of Akamaru's thick slobber.

Kiba watched, amused, as the other Nin tried vainly to shake some slime from his arm. He didn't have much success. It really was quite impossible to remove the said gooey mess without a healthy dosing of water from an outside hose, and the thought of drowning Mr. High-and-Mighty Sand-Nin further appealed to Kiba's warped sense of humor.

After staring at Kankurou for a few minutes more, Kiba generously decided to offer his advice: "You know, it's not going to _ever_ come off that way."

He was met with a sharp glare.

This clear display of discomfort only further served to amuse the Inuzuka.

And that only further irritated the Sand-nin.

Well, figuring the drool-soaked and grumpy ninja before him couldn't stay that way for forever, Kiba jumped to his feet and offered Kankurou a hand.

"So…let's get ya cleaned up, shall we?" he asked with a grin.

Kankurou glared a moment longer before sighing and accepting the offered assistance.

"Yeeeuck," Kiba observed, wrinkling his nose. "You smell _awful_." This statement earned him another glare before Kankurou's eyes suddenly lit up mischievously.

_Bad news,_ thought Kiba as he watched Kankurou wipe a glob of goo from his shoulder. In the time it took Kiba to blink, Kankurou had flung it square in the Inuzuka's face. It stuck there quite well.

Kiba promptly started wiping his face on his sleeve, but had little success getting the drool to do more than smear. Giving up, he moved over to rub his nose in the grass. This made for quite the unusual sight, and it accounted for more than a few stares from random passer bys. Kankurou also stared, not quite decided if Kiba's idea was a good or idiotic one, before the Inuzuka suddenly looked up, his face clean, grinned widely, and pushed Kankurou back into the puddle from which he had just detached his soaked and miserable self.

Kankurou, of course, fell back with a splat and angrily tried to hop back to his feet. Instead of hoisting himself up as planned, his hands slipped in the glop and he found himself staring at the cheerfully fluffy clouds. No, wait…he was once again staring at the Smug Kiba Grin, except that this time Kiba was positively _beaming_.

... ... ...

It took half an hour to reach Kiba's spacious backyard, with Kankurou sticking to everything along the way until he dried out in the sun. Akamaru followed obediently behind the two ninja, looking somewhat pleased with himself for wreaking a healthy afternoon's worth of havoc on his master's rival.

Although the drool had long-since dried, it hadn't done so nicely. Kankurou's black outfit was covered in a semi-thick layer of flaky stuff that smelled strongly of dog breath: hot, stinky meat; half-chewed kibble; and milkbones. Kankurou made a mental note to kill Kiba's dog upon his first freely presented opportunity.

As of now, however, he was sitting cross-legged in the middle of Kiba's back yard, watching as the other fiddled with a bottle of blue dog shampoo. It seemed that Kiba was having trouble getting the cap off until he remembered that he needed to turn the cap the _other_ way in order to loosen it. This resulted in another two minutes of grunting and fighting as he tried to loosen the cap that he had just so successfully tightened. The cap eventually relinquished its hold on the bottle, though, and with a small cry of triumph Kiba poured a third of its contents into a rather large, metallic doggie washbasin-like tub…thing. Kankurou hadn't known they made those things anymore. Go figure.

Kiba then proceeded to fill the tub with water from the garden hose, contentedly watching as frothy bubbles appeared from the shampoo. The froth wasn't blue, though, Kankurou observed. It was white, yet transparent...and, well, completely _bubbly_.

Once the ocean of transparent bubbliness had grown to sufficient proportions, Kiba threw the garden hose on the ground and gave it a satisfied nod. He then planted his feet in a solid stance, wrapped his arms underneath Kankurou's armpits, and attempted to hoist the puppeteer off the ground.

Attempted to.

Unfortunately for Kiba, Kankurou remained sitting: cross-legged and amused, a tad bit too heavy for Kiba to lift.

Okay then, no big deal.

Kiba whistled over to Akamaru, who lifted his big, happy head in response to his master's call. Another short series of whistles brought him over, trotting, tongue happily lolling.

"Oh, no," said Kankurou.

"Oh, yes," said Kiba. "Lift, boy."

And Kankurou found his feet dangling some three feet off the ground after the big dog picked him up be the…well, for lack of a better term, "scruff of his neck". Yes, wearing one piece outfits were now officially a _very_ bad idea in Kankurou's opinion.

At Kiba's command, Akamaru trotted over to the giant metal washtub and, without warning, dropped Kankurou into the foamily shallow depths below.

A generous splash was immediately followed by a hearty yell: "THIS WATER IS _COLD_!"

Kiba grinned, pleased with the situation. "Well, whadda ya expect? It came from the garden hose, not the inside hot water tap. This stuff only comes in cold, ya know."

"DAMN YOU!" Kankurou hollered as he tried to clamber out of the metal tub, clanging a terrible racket and sloshing copious amounts of water out with him as he went. He ungracefully stumbled and slipped on the wet grass and fell into Kiba, knocking them both over.

Kankurou seized his chance.

Using his reliable chakra strings, Kankurou lifted the washtub and dumped its remaining contents on Kiba. Satisfied with the surprised yelp from the younger Nin, Kankurou sat back and sneered, "How do you like that, kid?"

Kiba sputtered, wiped the water out of his eyes, and looked deadpan at Kankurou. "That's freezing, ya know."

"No, really?" came the sarcastic reply.

"I'm cold now."

"It only _comes_ in cold, remember?"

"You're a jackass."

"I know." Kankurou said proudly. "I'm an older brother; it's my job. So, where do you hide the hot water?"

Kiba sighed as he stood up. "Inside."

"Oh, yeah? I never would have guessed."

"Shut up before I lock you out here and leave you to dry in the sun."

"Is this how Konoha Nin show hospitality?" Kankurou asked.

"If I let you in the house, you'dtry to kill me! So, thanks, but I don't need you around, idiot," Kiba retorted. "I just need to get warm."

"Oh, yeah?" Kankurou accompanied his statement with a somewhat devious glance in Akamaru's direction. "That might work better if you let your gigantic mutt here sit on you."

"I'm taking a hot shower; you go away," Kiba said, glaring. "If your fancy-stringy jutsus so much as touch me or my dog before I'm toasty warm, _I will_ bite your head off and let Akamaru pee on your puppet scrolls."

"Suuure you will."

"I mean it."

Kankurou smirked and loudly complained as he followed Kiba inside, commenting about the nice people back in Suna who wouldn't think twice about helping a fellow Nin in trouble, _especially_ if the trouble was the result of the Suna Nin's _dog_. Kiba left Kankurou in the kitchen and slammed the bathroom door shut, throwing the lock for good measure while Kankurou wandered around the rest of the house, exploring all available closets for spare towels and maybe even a change of clothes. Finding an oversized sweatsuit somewhere, he settled himself back in the kitchen as if he had never left, raided the fridge for a soda and a snack, and patiently waited.

He never expected Kiba to use all of the hot water before Kankurou even _got_ his turn.

_...brat!_


End file.
